Do I have to grow up?

Happppy Summer Readers! Wow, has it been awhile since I last wrote! Well, after a much needed break, I find myself procrastinating on homework, while sitting at a local coffee shopping, sipping on a chocolate cherry mocha, and reading through my blog posts from the last year. Man, how blessed are we to be children of such a loving, vast, forgiving, graceful, merciful Father? The adjectives could go on and on. It was such a humbling experience going through posts. Realizing where I have been and where I am now, no one but the Lord could have helped me persevere through this crazy life of learning to be an adult. I cringe at the use of the word adult. I remember always wishing to grow up... What the heck was I thinking...

So a little update: 

I am still in BG in this summer- taking classes, working, growing up, "trying" to be an adult, taking strives in my faith, all of that GREAT stuff! What have I learned so far? WELL LET ME TELL YOU. 

Being an adult so far has consisted of living in my own apartment, grocery shopping on my own (clearly I'm not any good at this. I feel very bad for my future husband..), paying bills, living paycheck to paycheck, learning the value of a dollar, managing my time, and the list could go on! Sounds fun, right? Yeah I didn't think so. Sometimes I get so bogged down by this adult lifestyle, but what do I have to be bogged down by, seriously? Through all of this, God has been by my side. I've been going through a little bit of a season of feeling a little distant from God. I believe everyone goes through these seasons, and unfortunately, I'm going through it right now. 

Even through this distant feeling, I know my Father is looking out for me, growing me, pushing me, and challenging me. To this day, I struggle with confronting my past and forgiving those who have hurt me, wronged me, etc. I struggle with forgiving myself and realizing that in the Lord, my salvation rests. Ahh, I get chills just thinking about the undeserving love that is forever pouring over us. But anyway, through this dry season, I am truly learning that a life without Jesus is a life I do NOT want to live. I'm experiencing a little bit of distance, and I am going crazy over here! I want the intimate, close, deep relationship with the Lord ALL THE TIME! My heart craves Him. 

Throughout this season of my life, full of stress, life changes, personal struggles, I have been reminding myself of all that I am grateful for and every time I go through this list, I am so thankful for having a Savior, someone who is so perfect, so incredibly vast. So let me just share some of the blessings that the Lord has and continues to shower me with: 

- The opportunity to declare my faith as my own. For so long, and to this day, I struggle with wanting to please people all of the time. It's probably not too hard to believe that pleasing people sometimes looks very different than pleasing God. But you know what, no person can take your faith from you. It is your own for as long as you declare it. Living the life God has planned for you is a choice. I am continually reminded of this. If those around me can't understand my priorities, I'm beginning to be okay with that. This life does not belong to me. I owe this life to the One who died for me. 

- Fellowship. Fellowship is sooooo powerful in my life. It is the difference between thriving and slowing withering. Mostly all of my friends are home for the summer so I have been thrown into a whole new pond to mingle in. Let's just say, I struggle with this. But God has really been working on my heart in the sense of bringing new people into my life. While friendships are still being formed, I feel so connected with the Lord through these friendships. The girls that are slowly coming into my life- I am truly speechless. I am blessed to have them to grow with and learn from. God has most definitely challenged me in this area, but he is surely rewarding me along the way. I am truly being blessed with the people in my life. 

- My man. Through the ups and downs, my man has been by my side. He has experienced some crazy things with me, emotionally and spiritually, but he has never left nor been shaken. I believe that God has given him to me as a rock to lean on. I am a very lucky girl to have someone like him :) We've had our hard times, but I will continue to cherish what it is that God has given me to love, protect, and grow. God is teaching me sooo much through this relationship and through every step, I am amazed by God's grace and power. 

- The opportunity to share my faith openly. Throughout this last spring semester, and into the summer, God has opened some amazing doors for me to share His love. In one of my classes this summer, I have had the amazing opportunity of sharing my faith with the class. Even further, having the opportunity to talk to someone much older than I am in the class, about what healing God has done in my life. This has been a way cool experience and I can feel God working in my conversations with her. Prayers would be appreciated that God continues to reveal Himself to her. She needs Him and I believe, she wants Him. I have been so blessed to witness God working in broken places. 

- Finally, I am blessed to be able to rejoice in being beautifully broken. I have been reminded (consistently, lately) that I am completely broken and it's only by the grace and mercy of our Savior that the cracks and breaks can be mended. For so long I have sought perfection, I have compared myself with others, I have criticized myself (God's own creation).. Something I believe that every girl struggles with. Well, I am absolutely no different. I feel that as I am learning and growing in my faith, and especially through this dry season, I am glancing over myself and seeing the mended parts and recognizing the scars, yet being able to rejoice over the beautiful brokenness. I want to be the woman that God wants, I want to be fitted as the Bride of Christ. I am going to continue to fail and mess up on a daily basis, but that is why I need Jesus. I need Christ because HE is the perfect One, not me. I rejoice over my Savior, I can take pride in who He is, and I can be beautifully broken in His name. WE are the children of the One who saves. 

When I go through this list over and over again, God is present in every blessing. It's His hands that are working in my life. What more can I ask for? I don't need an easy life here on this earth. Sure, there are definitely times when I wish the stress wasn't so high, but I can ultimately conclude that this isn't the place where I belong. We are here to make a difference, to be a light in the darkness, to spread love to the abandoned. Next time the day is dragging or you find yourself getting caught up in the stress and strain of this life, remember the beauty that is this life with Christ. 

Well, readers, my coffee is nearly empty and I have a night of homework ahead of me so this will have to be farewell for now! If you need me, I will be in my blanket fort, coloring, continuing to procrastinate. My adult life may just have to be on hold for a night. Shhh.. 

Until next time. 

Crazy Beautiful

Well hey there strangers! It's been awhile since I've last blogged... But I am super excited about this post! It's 3 AM so I'm just going to apologize ahead of time if things get a little crazy. It's late, okay? So, these last few months have been nothing short of a crazy beautiful journey with some hiccups along the way. But hey, I'm alive, it's spring, and I am almost done with my sophomore year of college. Not too shabby if you ask me. As I've been growing and diving deeper into my faith, God has really put it on my heart to share a little bit about where I've been, where I am, and where I want to be. Soooo, basically I'm going to be sharing with you some of the ways God has been growing me and infiltrating into my life these last few months, in hopes that maybe some people (maybe you're the lucky guy/gal) out there reading this blog can relate, find comfort, hope, etc. Here we go.. Are you ready?

- So what about these hiccups I speak of? HA, well I can honestly say that I've been thrown some curve balls over the last few months and I've learned that you can't wear a catcher's mit on both hands while going through this thing called life... You've got to be able to throw something back when life hits you! I used to wonder what it was that I was doing wrong when I'd find myself stuck in an extreme low or being knocked down, time after time, not being able to catch my breath. But honestly, over the course of weeks, I've learned that my mindset was so so wrong. If you are struggling and being thrown curve balls, one after another, take it as a compliment. No, I'm not crazy. I'm serious. God must see some serious strength and persistence in you. He gives His toughest battles to His strongest soldiers. Believe that. About a month or two ago, I read through the book of Job in the Bible. To sum up the book of Job, Job was a very righteous and prosperous man. Because Job is greatly blessed with wealth, family, possessions, stature, and more, Satan believed that if God were to take away all of these blessings, Job would surely curse God. In response, God gives Satan permission to test Job's righteousness. Job had everything taken away from him... From his family to his possessions to being harmed physically. Job was told to hate God for what was being done to him, but refused every time. Instead, Job continued to stay devoted to God, praising Him and desiring Him a midst all that he was going through. My struggles are nothing compared to that described in the book of Job. But without a doubt, there is so much to take away from Job. Don't fall into temptation, don't give way to the enemy when you encounter struggles... Instead, realize that you are being tested and choose to stand firm in your faith. God will redeem the struggles.

- If you've read some of my blogs in the past, you'll know that I went through a break up about 6-7 months ago. I would say within the last 4-5 months, I've been praying so hard for my future husband and for my own heart when it comes to becoming a more Godly woman. I pray that my future husband will have that of the inspiration of Paul, a heart like David's heart for God, the ability to lead like Moses lead, the integrity of a man like Joseph, and that his love for me will remind me of the unconditional and unfathomable love of Christ. May sound like my standards are pretty high, huh? Maybe. But as a child of God, my standards SHOULD be that high. Girls, if you think your standards are too high, they are probably right where they should be. God has put an absolutely amazing man in my life and he exceeds my standards by far. While it may take some time for God to answer a prayer like this, it is so worth the wait. I am so extremely blessed to have a man in my life that can lead me spiritually and push me to be a more Godly woman. God gave me more than what my heart even knew it truly desired. My point is, set those standards wayyy up there. The right guy, a guy on fire for God, will exceed those standards that you feel are too high.

- So I talked about wanting to be a Godly woman.. What does that means? It means drenching yourself in Proverbs 31. Be a Proverbs 31 girl. If you aren't familiar with the reference, look it up! For me, when I ask God to transform my heart and change my ways to be a more Godly woman, I set up Proverbs 31 standards for myself. I pray that when the day comes for me to be married, that not only my husband be ready by God's standards, but that I am the Godly woman that my husband needs me to be. But more recently, on top of focusing on being a Godly woman for my future husband, I've shifted my focus on being a more Godly woman to better suit the role of the Bride of Christ. Sounds silly and backwards, but it's something I've really taken to heart more recently. First and foremost, we as women, should be focusing on representing ourselves in the image of Christ because it's in Him that our identity is found. It's in Christ that our worth, beauty, value, and identity are found. So often, people find their identity in worldly things and are left feeling unworthy, empty, devalued, and unfulfilled. For me personally, I used to find my identity in guys, my friends, family, the sport I played... You name it. I used to feel like finding the right guy could fix everything. I think that's so many girls' perspective. We want a guy to save us. Well guess what, a guy did save you, thousands of years ago on the cross. Don't make false idols and put trust in worldly desires... They will always fail you. Instead, put trust where trust is deserved. Put your trust in God. We should desire to be Godly women because it's what God has called us to be.

- Lately, I've had to make a few rather big decisions concerning my future in regards to what is in my best interest versus what might be the easier path. Often times, I don't even like making small decisions, so you can imagine I've struggled pretty hard in making these bigger decisions. I've struggled with the matter of time and not knowing where my heart will be in the next year, the fact that I felt like I was making decisions without having enough time to truly decide what it was God was calling me to do, etc. It all came down to the feeling of not having enough time. But I realized (honestly within the last two days) that I serve the Author of time. God has the ability to pause, fast forward and rewind... So why am I so worried? Everything happens on God's time. Regardless of choosing between one righteous path and another, God is going to use our decisions to glorify Him if it's in Him that we stay devoted. My decisions can serve Him if I go into it with the right intentions. So, do not get weighted down when you feel confused about which path to choose. Pray about it and live for Christ. The rest will work itself out. God has plans to prosper you (Jeremiah 29:11).

- Have you ever gone to someone with a problem that you are having and they respond by saying... "Wow, I  wish there was more that I could do, but I feel like all I can do is pray about it." Have you ever been in that situation? I am astounded when I hear responses like that. If anything has been revealed to me over the last year or so it's this... Prayer is such a powerful tool. PRAYER IS POWERFUL. When people say, "Sorry that all I can do is just pray for you," I want to shake them! Haha, are you kidding me? JUST pray for me? That's the best thing you can do for someone!! No one can be your God and vice versa. God asks that we pray without ceasing (1 Thessalonians 5:17). How flippin cool is that?? He never gets tired of hearing us... So go to Him! I feel like God has really given me a testimony of prayer and I am so blessed to be able to share that with people. God has answered so many prayers for me these last few months and I will never take credit for all the good in my life right because to Him be all the glory. Gosh, I cannot emphasize enough the importance of prayer!

Andddd it's now 4 AM. On that note, I leave you with this idea... God has truly moved in my life over the span of my sophomore year of college and it wasn't until I surrendered my life to Him that I truly knew what it meant to love, to feel joy, to have purpose. We have so many hang ups... We are hung up on not being able to forgive, trying to figure out why, why us... Let go of those hang ups. Instead, be hung up on Christ. Christ was hung up on the cross for us. In return, can you let God in? Can you sign the consent to go under God's knife?

Let Him write your love story

As it goes with girls, boys always seem to come up in conversation. Am I right? Haha, this probably isn't too hard to believe. Well recently, a couple of girls have come to me and asked my opinion on what is means to have a godly relationship with someone and how to build that. We've gotten into some really awesome conversations about it! While I'm not an expert by all means, I do have fairly strong opinions on the subject... Opinions based on experience. And when I say experience, my experience mainly comes from the side of knowing what doesn't work and knowing how an ungodly relationship, not centered around Christ, will end. But rather than focus on what doesn't work, I'd rather focus on what I believe leads to a lasting relationship, a Christ-centered relationship. So here are some principles that I believe in when it comes to dating...

1. You are loved. You are God's daughter and He loves you more than you can imagine... Jeremiah 31:3 says spells it for you. If you're not familiar with the verse, check it out! Until you can accept God's steadfast, forever lasting, overpowering love, hold off on dating. You don't want to end up settling for something that doesn't fill your heart's longing. If you are feeling that no one is interested or no one is pursuing you, guess what, that's okay!! You have the most important person always pursuing you and loving you... You just have to look up. Jesus is pursuing you.

2. Dress to impress. We all want to look good and feel good about ourselves. And there is nothing wrong with that! Our body is our temple and we should cherish how God created us. However, don't falsely advertise what is not available to anyone but your future husband. Not only are you respecting yourself by doing so, but you're also helping your brothers in Christ by dressing modestly. By all means, dress fashionably and embrace your femininity! Just be sure to know your motives when you put something on :)

3. Your beauty lies in Christ. By yourself, you are made ugly by sin. As bad as that sounds, it's true that until you find your beauty in Christ, we are all made ugly by worldly sin. No amount of makeup, accessories, or brand name clothing is going change that. It takes a woman redeemed in Christ to admit the ugliness of her sin and accept her beauty in Christ. True beauty emanates from understanding this.

4. What is controlling your heart? Are you being controlled by loneliness, desire for a man, etc.? Chase after Jesus and let Him control your heart. It's so important that whether you are being pursued or not, dating or not yet in a relationship, or even married, that you always ask yourself what or who is controlling you. The answer should always be Jesus. Unfortunately though, we aren't perfect and we do get caught up in worldly desires and settle for lesser gods. It's at those times that we need to acknowledge that our heart isn't quite in the right place and adjust the situation.

5. Look past the surface. So many of us are so concerned about looking cute for a date, or finding just the right thing to say. We put so much pressure on ourselves to look the part wherever we go that we often times forget that a godly man will also be concerned about inner beauty. After all, that's what God is all about. A woman who fears the Lord is one who despite her desire to find a guy, is more afraid of being distant from God than she is of missing out of a date with a guy who is only interested in her because of her looks. It feels so good to be loved by someone that we often allow ourselves to settle for someone who tells us we are beautiful. But please, be patient! Don't settle, rely on God's love for you, his daughter.

6. Submit! God asks for our submission every day, right now in fact. Submission is not only for marriage. God wants your heart. He wants you to trust in His plan for your life, including the dating aspect. Ultimately, this an overcast on everything in life. Submit everything you have to the Lord and allow Him to take over. It's all about waiting and trusting. Let God's will be done. With that being said, I used to feel so helpless and a little discouraged when I thought about this idea of submitting my dating life to God. I literally felt like I just had to wait around until He decided to conveniently place my future husband right in front of me. As silly as it sounds, that's basically how I looked at it. But that's not true at all! A godly woman with good intentions can express friendly interest in someone..

• It's okay to get to know someone- just don't give them false intentions! Don't manipulate. 
• Be interested, but don't pursue. It's important to let him initiate anything. 

7. Guard your heart. This is something that I take very seriously. Guarding your heart can be a little difficult even if no one is openly pursuing it. Watch out for the traps that get you to thinking that he MIGHT be flirting with me, he MIGHT be interested in me. If he is, he will let you know. Don't get caught up in wondering where things could go when you have never even spoken to the guy. It sounds easy enough, but it's harder than it sounds for some girls! If you do start dating or he takes you out, it's awesome to be excited about it.. You should be! But be sure that you are honoring God, yourself, and your brother in Christ. Don't elevate him or you relationship to the place that God alone who occupy in your heart. Be careful how much of your heart you give you to a man. Be able to walk away from a relationship with your whole heart intact so that your future husband is not robbed of pieces down the road. Pray about when, how much, and to whom you give it away to.

Okay, so there you have it! Those are my beliefs and what I like to follow. And the wonderful thing about these principles is that they are forever evolving. As my relationship with the Lord grows and deepens, He teaches me so much. I look at what I have written and I see how over the last year these beliefs and opinions have changed, It's been such a blessing to share with these girls what I feel more girls need to know and hear. While I've been able to help and advise my friends, little do they know, they are always teaching me as well. Fellowship is so beautiful.

Again, if I am being honest, I am no expert on the subject and I myself how to work daily on following out these beliefs. After having experienced being in an ungodly relationship, I can tell you that these beliefs stay close to my heart. I know what doesn't work and I have the strongest desire to give this area of my life fully to God. I trust Him completely.

I'm not here to push my opinions on anyone and I pray that it doesn't come off that way. I'm here to let you know that you're not alone in wanting a godly relationship. If you've been in the situation where you know that your relationship is no longer centered in Christ (or maybe never has been), I pray that you have the strength to first, acknowledge it, and second, to do something about it. I've been there. I've struggled whole-heartily with it. I can't say that my lesson was learned without first having made mistakes. I had to learn the hard way, and God had to beat me over the head for awhile before I finally accepted what I knew to be true... I promise you, God satisfies you more than any man will ever be able to. Fall in love with Christ. Bury your heart so far in your faith that a man has to seek God to find it. I believe that right there is a true love story.